Open Your Heart & Take Flight

Posted on January 12, 2013 by Gwendolyn

As a young child, I was described as a kind, generous & giving child, but I know that I was not as I appeared to the outside world, because I had within me, a hidden secret.  I was possessive & I aggressively tried in vain to hold on to things & people as long as possible, never wanting them to be away from me & believing that by holding on to them tightly, they would always be present in my life.   But that was, simply because, I had never truly learned “The Lesson of the Captured Bird”.  The story goes something like this:

“Pretty bird, I’ve got you now, though you’re quick and clever. You flew right into my net & now you’re mine forever”

The bird replied: “What good am I to you? Let me go I pray”.  Let me fly with sweet song & to you, I shall repay”.

“But Pretty bird, I’ll give to you, Sugarplums and candy.”  I will always care for you & Life will be so dandy”.

The Bird replied, “You may think you love me well, but you will bring me sorrow.  For, if I stayed, I never “strayed” & ate your sugarplums, then I would die tomorrow”.

(THE LESSON OF THE CAPTURED BIRD – A Russian Folk Song)

Throughout my life, people have come & gone.  I tried hard to hold fast to them & make them love me the way that I wanted to be loved, but each time, though they loved me, they left my life, like passengers on a train, each departing as they reached their destination, & I, sitting by my window, watched them with great sorrow, as the train continued onto the next stop.

With the passing of my friends or family members, I felt the pain of their departure, the lack of communication & the guilt of not having made an effect to be with them during their life.  I felt that I should have paid more attention to their words of wisdom, and learned from the lessons of their life, but I, like so many of us, had an agenda & that took precedence over everything & everyone in my life.

The first real love of my life, outside of my family, was Jeffrey, was the son of a Minister.  He had an odd response to being asked “how he liked something”.  His response was always, that It was good or bad, “considering”.  After a while, and hearing this response at least dozens of times, I become increasingly annoyed & said, “What is in the world does  that mean? – Considering what” and his reply was, “It’s just something my father always says”, which was not really the answer that I wanted to hear, for to me, it gave very little, if any explanation, until his death, by suicide some years later.  You see, I had never even considered anyone else’s opinion, feelings or conclusions, except my own.  The word itself, “Considering” means – in view of; taking into account, taking all of the circumstances of something into account; all things considered, which is realizing that everyone has their own view of things.  It’s not JUST my opinion, JUST my option or even JUST my beliefs, but all of the opinions of those around me & despite my desire to hold people close in my life, my possessive nature & controlling attitude toward people confounded me, for I seemed to “lose” people from my life on a regular basis & in varying ways – those lost by chasing them away, from neglect & for a variety of selfish reasons & many others, I lost by death.  Those were the ones that I realized too late, that my “consideration” of their importance in my life, was lost during my life, because of “me” & then later because “death” had a schedule to keep & I had “missed” the precious time of “waiting” for the last “whistle stop” in the long journey of Life.

But is that really true?  Is their leaving really a matter of my idea or theirs?  Is it a mutual decision, or a divine intervention?  But more importantly, the question is whether it was just their time to leave.  Over the years, I have read & studied many beliefs, theories of the mysteries of life & death & although everyone has an opinion of the People who come & go out in our lives all the time, it is the quality of the time that we spend with them & the quality of what we learn from them while they are with us that matters.  Whether, in theory, they leave of their own choosing or are called away by another source or a “higher being”, their departure should not solicit an attitude of regret at their passing but being one of reflection & a learning opportunity should be from their time spent with us.  It should be a reminder, with each passing, that our time with others, is “finite” (it has a set number of years, days, hours, minutes & seconds) that create an “unseen” hourglass with the sand pouring out until the top of the glass is completely empty.

I will probably grieve for those who have “passed away” in body for the rest of my life, in some form or another & this is natural & expected when one considers how long & how well we lived the life that I shared with each of them.  We believe our lives are good & it still surprises me when someone offers me condolences & comments that they cannot imagine the pain that I must be enduring after losing those that were so dear to me.   I am the now “oldest member of my generation”, my children & grandchildren keep me “alive” & my continuing belief is that we are “destined” to be with certain people, who educate & support you through the journey of life & their interactions with you help teach you the lessons necessary for your life.

I have known many people in my life, & after my husband’s death, I felt that I would never be “partnered” with anyone again, but “life goes on” & life refuses to let you “quit”.  Life moves “forward”, Life finds new “adventures”. Life finds new “challenges”, & Life creates “new experiences” that can enrich our lives.  It is to our benefit to take advantage of these opportunities, but many of us simply “allow the parade to pass us by” without any interaction or inspiration.

But people don’t know the “rest of the story” as Paul Harvey would say.  Looking at me, they saw a person very much in control of my life, but I was far from perfect, mainly because of decisions or circumstances that I have made or created in my past.  While not going into details, suffice to say, I made questionable decisions along the way & they “came back to bite me”.  But I didn’t let those circumstances affect the love & respect I felt for those around me.   And I didn’t hold tightly to others, except in a loving embrace, but instead, mentally gave freedom to my children & family.  I “trusted” my family, without imposing controls, without questioning their decisions, & by embracing mutual decisions through discussion & without any concern that I would be less important in their lives.   I knew that I would honor my relationships with my friends & family.  It would have been easy, during times of stress & adversity to give in & question or blame others for my “turn of events”, but I learned that I must stand together with my family & friends in complete trust, for as I often put it to others in disagreements… “Let’s not fight because we are all that we have in life”.   To which, I would receive the reply, “No, we are all that we need or want in life.”  But neither of those statements is really true, for we had to live in “the world” of other people, confronted by people that had or could cause us pain & we had to exist with the full knowledge that we should handle these trying situations as a family & a “team” – “United we stand, but divided, we fall”

In the military, they have a “buddy” system – An assigned partner that acts on your behalf & you on theirs, so that you are never alone.  Someone to live, work & relax with.  This someone starts out as a stranger, then becomes a companion, then a partner, & maybe eventually becomes a confident & in times of danger, a protector.   And, in order to be “the best you can be” for yourself & your “buddy”,  you must learn as much as possible about that other person for in doing so, from the encounters & the discussions made by each other, as well as the trust & loyalty that is established, good things & good trust will result.  My late husband &, now my Life Partner, I did just that – we became “buddies”.  And it works.   I was reminded the other day of an “old saying” that I was reminded of when you hear one story from one person, & another story from a different person, with each story painting an entirely different picture of each one’s shared experience.   The moral of the story is to “beware” because, “The first liar is always perceived as being truthful & the second liar doesn’t stand a chance of being believed”, but I feel that is because we don’t wait to hear “the rest of the story” – the combination of everything.  Supposedly Court Judges, hear “everything” but this isn’t true either, because of court “time restraints”, the Judge oft times ONLY hears the “Reader’s Digest”  version.  We just jump to the conclusions of the first story & we hold tight to that verdict.  We even defend our conclusions when challenged, & if proved wrong, we simply say that “we just didn’t have all the facts”, like that is an excellent “excuse” for our ignorange & lack of conviction when it comes to actually “seeking” the “whole truth & nothing but the (whole) truth”.

And isn’t that the point?  It’s not that we “didn’t have the facts” but that we “didn’t wait long enough to hear the “flip-side” of the experience, which oddly enough, refers to the old “45 speed” vinyl records of the 1950’s & 60’s, because the “flip side” was rarely if ever, the “better” song recording.   But in our ignorance of the “other side”, we did not do a proper comparison & therefore come to the often “permanent conclusion”, that the first liar is being right – a stance that we then defend, sometimes to our death, while avoiding the “part” we played & falsely believing that we are somehow “entitled” to make this judgment.  But that effort, like holding the small bird in your hand, is not what the lesson was really about at all.  In our lives, If we hold too tightly to that which we love, our “bird” may not escape, but the bird is also very unhappy & neither of us will gain any joy from the experience.   If we hold onto the Bird too lightly,  we take the risk that our bird will escape, never to return & our perception is that we will lose our source of inner joy.  The “secret” is that we must “trust” &  by trust, we allow the bird, its “freedom” & in return, if we have done our job well,  the Bird will reward our trust & will return to us.  There are No guarantees of return but while the returning would be a joy, is it being realistic or are we setting ourselves up for failure & heartache?

And so what is the point of my story, you may ask?  The point is quite simple.  First,

(1)     LEARN ABOUT SOMEONE FROM OBSERVATIONS & DISCUSSIONS

Spend time with that special someone, before you join together in a physical, financial or legal relationship.   Trust  yourself to being open & honest with your partner & be grateful for their being honest with you.   Never “judge” another person for their past, but address the possible issues of past decisions that may arise in your future together.  Old friends, family & co-workers rarely “go away” forever & in reality, they never should.  Dealing with past events, is a “learning experience” for both parties & is important in all relationships.

(2)    BUILD A TRUST THAT WILL ENDURE

By being together & talking together about “every”thing & holding nothing back, you learn to trust.  You learn to let go of restraints & you will experience the freedom of trust.  Not just sharing your interests, or their interests, but in sharing with each other, a common interest  or by exploring new things, so that you will learn share each other’s perceptions & opinions, always keeping an open mind in the process.

(3)    LEARN FROM YOUR ENCOUNTERS & REMEMBER THE LESSONS LEARNED

Practicing patience – Rome was not built in a day & we need to learn to develop a sense of adventure.   The revelations of the experience will amaze you.   For “soul-mates” are not chance meetings, but the meeting of two minds, two hearts, & two warriors, who learn about each other’s strengths, weaknesses, experiences & the lessons learned in their lives, that causes people to become “soul-mates”.  My husband considered me to be his “buddy” & it was my great pleasure to accept the title.

(4)    TAKE THE JOY FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES TOGETHER – The experience of living each moment together in truth & honor should be cherished  & remembered for the lessons learned, for the pleasure that being together brings & for the memories that you carry throughout your life.

A great love is not captured, & it is not preserved by holding on to something so tightly that it is a captive bird.  Really Great  “Love” is FOUND, and it remains FREE.  A great MARRIAGE is NOT just the “wedding” Ceremony itself, not in the giving & receiving of the wedding “vows”,  the rings & all the “pomp & circumstance” of the moment, but in PRACTICING & CONTINUING TO HONOR those vows, along with A PLEGE to LEARN, to SHARE, to TEACH, to REMEMBER & to HONOR each other by SHARING your life, NOT by CONTROL of your partner or enduring their control of you.  All of your life & all of the time, including the highs, the lows, the questions & the conclusions that you experience, whether you are together or apart should be on every level  – PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, TRUTHFULLY, LOVINGLY, & RESPECTFULLY.  For it is only when you practice this technique that at your parting, whether temporary or permanent, you will still “feel” together by forever helping & learning from each other.  Be true “soul-mates”, even to death.  And this freedom, gives you will still be free to find that someone special again.  And if that person becomes your “partner” & “soul-mate”, consider yourself blessed.

By letting your “inner” self go & by letting others teach you, you will open yourself up to NEW experiences, NEW beginnings & NEW lessons.  Life is NOT just a journey, but, as Robert Frost so eloquently put it in one of his poems, “I shall be telling this with a sigh, for somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.  (The Road Not Taken – by Robert Frost).

So, in conclusion:  You will find that FREEDOM is in reality, the ability to let OTHERS be free, as well.

(1) stop & ponder, let the lesson of the captured bird, be your guide.

(2) Choose your road wisely & share the experience, by living your life to the fullest.

This article is dedicated to my “Mom” (my husband’s mother) – Mom, You are the light of reason, the example of someone who willingly shares, teaches & lives life well & to the fullest.  You are accepting of all who share time with you & by your example you have taught us that life is meant to “be lived”.  The unconditional love that you give to others & especially your presence in my life has been & continues to be a very great gift. Thank you – I have learned much.

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How willing are we to do “Whatever It Takes?” to get the job done?

Posted on July 2, 2012 by Gwendolyn

 “Happiness is when, What you think, What you say & What you do are All in Harmony” – Mahatma Ghandi  

How many times have you heard the phase, “I’ll do it, whatever it takes”?  I use the phase often & in a variety of situations, such as “I am going to get this or that done, WHATEVER it takes”.  In reality, I am NOT being totally honest with myself or to those within the range of my voice, because I don’t actually intend to do “WHATEVER it Takes”.  What I really mean to say is that “I am going to put forth some effort as long as it doesn’t “cost” me anything, because I am unwilling or unprepared to do actually “go that extra mile”, “to invest extra time”, or “risk using the needed resources or extra effort” necessary to actually accomplish the task using an “all-out”, “whatever it takes” attitude to accomplish it.

My life has been influenced by a variety of people, including, but not limited to – my family, friends, & on occasion, individuals whose actions have sometimes confounded me.  There have been those that have inspired me & others by using their words, deeds, actions, tenacity, courage, wisdom or just the living of their day-to-day circumstances, the good or bad events, with a “Whatever it takes” attitude throughout their entire lives.

The definition of the phase, “Whatever it takes” means, according to my on-line dictionary, simply  “Anything that may be required to achieve an objective or strong affirmation of willingness to accomplish something that we passionately desire & want to see completed”.  While this is indeed a lofty goal, I can honestly & fully admit that many of my “dreams” have been circumvented by my own lack of commitment.  My willingness to risk losing my hard-earned resources, exert the extra drive needed to “push myself” or go to the lengths that would be necessary to physically or emotionally accomplish the goals that I have set for myself, are often in “short demand”.  In other words, my dreams haven’t always had the necessary drive, desire or courage necessary to really achieve my dreams of success.

This past weekend, at Budd’s Creek Race Track, in Maryland, I was privileged to meet “a Legend” in the Nostalgic Funny Car Racing Circuit, a person who redefined the image of women in the Drag Racing Profession.   Using her Professional Title, a name that she earned working as a Playboy “Bunny”, she ran her first race in 1964 at the Old Dominion Drag Strip, in Manassas, Virginia, at a time when women drag racers were a “rare occurrence”, which ultimately earned her the title of “The First Lady of Funny Car Racing”.   When she & husband, “Mo” bought a 1964 Red Mustang, on a Thursday, entered it at the Race Track the very next day, & won the race, you are talking about a great lady with a great deal of confidence, tenacity, & down-right fearlessness & you have just described Carol “Bunny” Burkett.  After that race, Bunny never looked back & became the most Competitive Female Drag Racer on the East Coast Circuit, as well as the Most Popular Drag Racer across the USA.

This photo, taken in the late 1960’s, Bunny poses beside her second bright red Mustang, which I have to admit was my “dream car”.(Publicity photo courtesy of Bunny Burkett’s Website) Link:  www.bunnyburkett.com  

The Tom “Smoker” Smith’s Miss Universe of Drag Racing tour made her a “household icon” & Bunny quips about the tour with affection, calling it “a traveling circus”.  It was definitely a “hit” with the fans, who liked the racing, but also the “strut your stuff hot pants” contests of the Miss Universe drivers.  Despite having to “play by the rules set forth because she was a woman”, the experiences of Bunny’s Life & Career, have been a necessary part of her life, & she does not view them with regret, but sees her choices as ones needed to fulfill her dreams, as well as provide her team with the necessary funding & popularity required in the sport of drag racing.   She sees her life’s timeline as a chart that defines her in ways that she may never have accomplished with any other method.  Bunny didn’t just “settle” for a lifetime of experience, she actually “experienced a life” & one that “molded & defined” her, as well as allowed her to meet her far-reaching expectations & goals.  She overcame whatever obstacles she encountered with courage & conviction.   And Trust me when I say this, she has definitely had many “obstacles” to overcome.  She has experienced the “victories”, the “extraordinary circumstances” & the “miraculous events” that created her life path.  Her Career & Life choices, such as becoming a Playboy Bunny, had its own set of obstacles, & she suffered serious injuries resulting from two race car crashes, & a variety of other important events in her life, like raising children.  Her very serious battle with cancer, not once, but twice, resulted in a mastectomy, showing that Bunny accepts life as it comes at her.  She still finds the time to greet her fans with all the grace & charm of a very accomplished & gentile Lady.  Always with a smile, she encourages her long-time fans, as well as those of us who are “new-bees” to the thrill of the sport, the opportunity to learn & enjoy.

We found Bunny sitting comfortably on the back end of her car, eating her favorite treat, “fresh fruit”, relaxing & interacting with her “boys”.  She encouraged us with a most “genuine air of hospitality” to sit & talk with her, & she took the time to introduce us to her equally friendly family, crew & Canine Mascots – “Cubby” & “Molly”.

Bunny remarked that the crash “made her the person that she is today & that having to deal with Cancer was a challenge she never expected.  Still throughout the challenges, she found she had become much stronger along the way.  She talks about her life freely, sharing her fears & feelings, while signing autographs & encouraging others to enjoy her favorite sport, or perhaps buy a souvenir or two.  With her easy manner of speaking, she passes along her empowerment, encouragement & shares what motivates & inspires her. As she stated to me, “That’s what all of this is about now”, my contribution to racing, the experiences of my lifetime, & the wisdom gained from my life, family, friends & even my competitors.  In her lifetime, the challenges she faced & the decisions that molded her in so many ways, kept her “grounded” in the things that mattered most.  My visit with her both inspired & amazed me.  Her casual calm reflections of her life made me feel the need to “slow down” & “renew my own commitments, to stretch my goals & to reach for my dreams with that same calm resolve, determination & acceptance of life.

There may be people who believe that I have “settled” for whatever fate decreed, or perhaps that I didn’t made the best choices available to me, but I feel the circumstances & knowledge available to me at the time, gave me all of the necessary information needed to make an intelligent decision.   I don’t believe in “second guessing”, or regretting “what may have been”, I do instead, embrace “what is”.   I dream, I’m content with my life & I don’t “look back” & wonder about “the road not taken”.

As for the future, I strive to accomplish my desires, change my life for the better & enjoy the experiences that have come my way.  I enjoy a life that I believe was “lived well”, perhaps not always as I had imagined but a life filled with more good experiences than bad ones.  I am grateful for the people I hold dear, the friends I have, the people that influence my thoughts, & those that alter my perspectives, give me inspiration, & educate me.  I realize that “any other twists & turns of my life” & I would have been a very different person & despite what may have been, I am grateful for this life.  Whether it was “guided by an unseen hand” or simply the result of “a destiny of own my design” , it has been a good life & one that I feel has been well lived.  It is important to believe that the “lessons of life” we encounter in our journey from cradle to grave, are important to who we are, & where we are going.  Learning from the people we encounter, accepting the mistakes we make, enjoying the triumphs of our life & celebrating the revelation of the events that we experience, is often enough to provide all of the answers that we really need to appreciate the true meaning of happiness.  The acceptance of that good life, in turn, may also inspire others in ways that we can never imagine.

“Bunny” Burkett, influenced her destiny, but she also accepted, modified, & totally altered her life using the circumstances & opportunities that presented themselves along the way.  With each “twist & turn”, she “rolled with the punches”, “jumped on the opportunities” & “accepted life as it came at her”, with all the grace, charm & gentility of “a very great lady” – one that we, as women, should strive to emulate.   We need NOT to demand equality, but learn to EARN our equality.  Strive to NOT “complain” about any perceived injustice, but OVERCOME obstacles in our path by using all of the resources available to us.  Bunny didn’t “buck” the system, she worked the system.  She accepted an opportunity when it presented itself & strived to excelled in her field, using her intelligence, patience, knowledge, & education.  She learned all that she needed to know for success, & all the while, embraced herself & enjoyed being a woman in a man’s world.  She earned the respect that was due to her because she was good at her sport.  She wasn’t “just another woman in a man’s world”, she was an accomplished, knowledgeable, fearless, & determined Race Car Driver & Owner, & in my opinion, one that I will encourage my granddaughters to  emulate.

MY NOTE TO: Bunny, her family & crew – Thank you for allowing us to “enter into your world”.  While most of your fans battled power outages, storm damage & the closing of the track, we were privileged to spend time with you.  Thank you for extending your hospitality, sharing your wisdom, encouragement & experiences, & for taking the time to honor us with your presence, as well as, sharing your family with us as well.   We look forward to seeing you again soon & if you need a hand at the track, just give us a call.  It would be an honor & a privilege to work with you in any way that you required.

Fondly, Gwendolyn & Timmy (Sandston, VA)

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The Death of the State Fair of VA – March 08, 2012

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Gwendolyn

Do you dare to visit the Virginia State Fair? How about your desire to get on some crazy rides after eating three corndogs, a funnel cake and some neon blue cotton candy, before going to see a singer who hit the pop charts in “how long have I loved this group?” category. Actually, I’m joking, and the music at the fair is awesome. In fact, so is just going to the State Fair of Virginia, and something I have enjoyed since age one, right up to the present age of fifty-eight.

DEATH NOTICE – It is with a heavy heart that I must report the death of the State Fair of VA, at 156 years of age, on March 08, 2012, from complications that resulted from the move from Henrico County to Caroline County. Many believe that neglect on the part of friends and supporters may have contributed to the decline in health and ultimately caused the demise. Ill health plagued the State Fair, starting sometime prior to the move to the new location, and an ultimate downturn in health resulted, ending in its death. Memorials may be posted on Facebook by family, friends and others.

“Did You Dare To Go To The Fair?”
To give you a brief and recent history, the State Fair of Virginia moved to the site of Meadow Farm, which horse racing fans recognize as the home to Racing Legends, Riva Ridge and Secretariat, winner of the Horse Racing Triple Crown and now home to Secretariat’s Great-Grandson, “Rainaway” – an appropriate name for the State Fair mascot, since it is almost a given that “rain” and the State Fair always seems to have a natural attraction. The event is something that is definitely on my “must do” list each year and to those not familiar with the fair is something that everyone should experience at least once. But be forewarned, it is something that very well may become a permanent part of your annual calendar schedule as well.

September has always been a special time for me, with everything changing “gears” in preparation of a new season. Starting with Labor Day, and the beginning of school, the changes of the weather and the cooler temperatures make it an exhilarating time of the year that also holds the bonus of my birthday and the State Fair of Virginia. Many people harbor the concept that a County or State Fair is little more than a traveling carnival with animals, assorted crops, archaic crafts, homemade baked goods and other such items like Aunt Bessie’s famous Elderberry Jam, but the State Fair of Virginia, is so much more. Perhaps it was that old-fashioned relic of the past in days gone by, but the State Fair of today, has evolved into a kaleidoscope of events, displays, resources, shows and informational sources that are of benefit and interest to a wide variety of people. From state-of-the-art technology and practical knowledge of the care and dedication that Virginia farmers and growers have for their animals and crops to the entertainment venues, competitions of all varieties and everything from Lumberjacks and Craftsmen to Animal Handlers and Bake-Offs.

The State Fair in this new location has become not just an event, but “the event” of the year. It still holds fast to its history, its dedication to the education of our youth and the public about Virginia diverse history, agriculture and heritage, but it also embraces the future and blends the old with the new in amazing interactive ways. While the size of the venue may seem daunting to many of those with young children or the older generations, the distance walked is made easy by the many paved areas and walkways through the site, as well as a tram, which provides some transportation relief, although it does run “sporadically” and without a posted schedule. The park is divided into seven sections (areas) – Livestock & Cultural, Media General Trail, Equine & Festival Stage, Farm Bureau, Kidway & Midway, South Festival & North Festival Loops.

While Animals and Crops are the traditional mainstays of County and of course, the State Fair and it is quite impressive to see a Watermelon, 154 lbs, my son’s weight and a Pumpkin, over 1,019 pounds, large enough to hide one of grandchildren inside. As expected, there are many animals of varying types, ranging from Chickens to Lamas and everything in-between, along with the feeling that Noah would be very proud. I enjoyed watching the Youth Milking Goat Competition, and listened with interest to the background information on the young handlers in the ring. Their talents and interests ranged from becoming an Artist to being an Astronaut, along with their other competitions, which embraced Mathematics, Science, History and Sports. The State Fair, which has its own scholarship program, also embraces many youth organizations, such as 4-H, Future Farmers of America, Animal Rescue Groups, Charitable Organizations and many, many others. These talented youthful competitors not only handled goats, but showed that “Down on the Farm” was more like “Reach for the Stars”, as they expertly displayed their many hours of training, interest, love of animals and expert knowledge to the judges, in the hopes of landing a ribbon, scholarship and the chance to achieve their dream of a college education and career.

Other events, such as Mutton Bustin’ and Barrel Racing, showed youth that was fearless, determined and talented in the more fast-paced competitions. These young individuals had obviously spent many hours practicing their event, while caring for the animals that partnered with them on a quest for victory. Other impressive events such as Pleasure and Dressage Classes, tested the participant’s knowledge of their animals, as well as the care, training and grooming, which required at least as many hours as any sport team athletes and showed that a partnership and power of partnership can result from a bond with animals. I remembered fondly, the many hours of training, working and competing in such events in my youth, and the appreciation that you develop for your animal partner, who faces each competition with the same determination and will to win, as its handler. You don’t own an animal, you belong to each other and you form a bond that you remember throughout your lifetime.

The events included in your “Fair Ticket” may be the Demolition Derby, a heart-stopping game of tag using real cars, musical competitions, such as the Banjo, Fiddle, and Karaoke, or perhaps, a Tractor Pull, Cowboy Shooting, Bull Riding (live and mechanical), Draft Horse and Mule Pulls, and Celebrity Cook-offs, just to name a few of events that ran though-out my visit during the middle of the week. I particularly enjoyed the BMX Stunt Show, Flying Frisbee Dogs and the Racing Pigs. It’s impossible to “do it all” and I already have a long list of “to-do things” on my visit next year that I didn’t do this year. For the smaller kids in our group, Rowdy Rooster and his Hot Rod Car was an entertaining show provided free, with seating, while the adults in our group took a mini break and enjoyed some of the fair food, which for us, is a required element of the total fair experience.

The one other great “must-do” list item at the State Fair, is to indulge your taste buds in some unique and unconventional food options. The health-conscience critics, of course, wouldn’t agree, and I’m sure my doctor would frown at this edible tradition, but enjoyed in moderation and with family or friends, is always on our family’s “must do” list. Some of the more curious choices, were of course, the variety of “fried” foods, Twinkies, Fried Ho Ho, popular candy bars, pickles, tomatoes, onions, and everything imaginable, proving that “anything” can probably be battered, fried and consumed with amazing results. There were numerous varieties of meat treats, ice cream varieties, and even a Donut Burger, consisting of the usual meat patty, with numerous toppings, served on a Krispy Kreme style donut, and while compelling, we declined to sample, at least this time.

The rides at the fair are impressive considering that they are delivered and setup each year for this event. There are rides and games designed with adults and children in mind and separated into different areas, which grouped the rides together by age appropriate, while still keeping all of them within a comfortable walking area. Height Restrictions are enforced and each ride has a measuring stick at the entrance with the appropriate height clearly marked. The area around the ride is usually large enough to get a view of the riders and the Ride Attendants are very good with the visitors, especially the younger children. I was very impressed by the care, patience, concern and attention of the ride handler to the riders, and they took the time to check the safety of each child’s restraint, as well as watch for children that were having “any issues” with the ride while it was in motion. On one occasion, we had put my two year old grandson on the “Rip Tide”, a jet-ski ride that bounced up, down and around and we had parked our stroller on the backside of the ride.    At the ride’s conclusion, we found ourselves unable to get back to the “Exit” as quickly as we had hoped and my grandson was ready to exit the ride area. The Ride Attendant patiently kept him within the corral exit area until we were able to arrive and said that she always made sure that each child was returned to his proper parent or guardian. On another occasion, she told everyone to stay seated, while she stopped the ride within moments of seeing a child, who was obviously scared and ready to cry. She helped the child off, giving her words of comfort and gently escorted her to her parents at the exit gate, telling the child and parents that she could come back and ride whenever she wanted. On another ride, “Dylan’s Dozers”, the Attendant noticed a little boy “punching” the arm of the little girl next to him. The Ride Attendant stopped the ride, told everyone to remain seated and wait, because the ride was not finished. He then politely removed the little boy, returned him to his parents, and announcing to everyone to get ready to go, put the ride in motion for the duration of the ride

This year’s pricing of tickets was a bit higher than I remember from last year, and most rides took at least five or more tickets for adult rides and three tickets or more tickets for the “Kiddies” Rides. Individual Tickets cost one dollar each, with a price of twenty dollars for twenty-five tickets. Wristbands were the “Best Deal”, if you planned to ride more than a few rides, with a cost of twenty dollars, but be forewarned, these bands are good for one day only, and you must purchase a new band for visits during any other days that you visit the fair. Ages two and under, can ride FREE, but still must have an armband to ride. To those of you who like to visit the fair after five o’clock in the evening, the “FAIR DEAL” is a good deal with admission tickets and ride wristbands costing just ten dollars each. Be sure to check the website, http://www.statefair.com, for dates, times, and other ride information and entry details. There are discounts available to “ACTIVE” military and their families, senior citizens, etc. – check out the website details for these as well.

The many things to do at the State Fair is impressive and entertaining for the whole family, with many of these activities, shows, competitions and events offered to the public for free. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

COMPETITIONS: Fiddle & Banjo, Brunswick Stew Cook-off, Tractor Pull & Demolition Derby
SHOWS: King BMX Stunt Show, Lone Star Pro Rodeo, Masters of the Chain Saw
KIDS: Uncle Ty-Rone & High School Rodeo, Muttin’ Bustin” & Rosair’s Racing Pigs
GUYS: Cowboy Mounted Shooting Match & Demolition Derby (Driver’s Wanted)
GALS: All American Cowgirl Chicks & Celebrity Cook-Off
ANIMAL LOVERS: Aussie Kingdom (your picture with a real Kangaroo) & K-9’s in Flight
ROMANTICS: Dominion Fireworks (one night only)
MUSIC LOVERS: Festival Stage (Big Names), Theater Stage (Variety –Novelty) & Heritage Stage (Folk)

In short, no pun intended, there is lots to do at the Virginia State Fair, and in its new location, it has much to offer everyone, and everyone’s tastes and interests. It’s not the carnival of olden days, but it does combine the past and the present with new vision. The fair is well worth the entry fee and for the frugal, it can be cost-effective with planning and a realistic budget, as well as being a day of entertainment and discovery.

For those with children, the fair may be somewhat of a challenge financially and emotionally, having to deal with the many distractions and noise elements, but a well planned trip is well worth the investment and educational value.

First:Use the website and decide what you want to do, to see and to experience. This is a wonderful opportunity to experience many school related topics. Second: Ask your child’s school and teachers if they have planned a school sponsored trip to the fair or if they can suggest any specific areas, subject related topics or experiences that can be “tied into their current curriculum” and if students can earn any extra credit for attending, followed by a report on their experiences and educational activities, while attending.

For those with disabilities, the walkways, bathrooms and other areas are very accessible, but for those with difficulty walking, the distances between the areas may be somewhat of a challenge. My best suggestion is the use of a wheelchair, scooter or walker, and a well planned visit with lots of rest stops, which can easily be accomplished by visiting the shows, demos and events. Just be sure to arrive well before the start of these attractions since the seating capacity is limited. There are two areas for handicap parking, both provide a short walking distance to the ticket booths and the attractions and the main fairgrounds.

STATE FAIR OF VA 2011 – “The Fair was So Sweet; All I Wanted to Do was Eat”
On my first visit to the fair, I arrived with two of my sons, their wives and six of my eight grandchildren. I started the day by breaking the rules, skipping an early breakfast and the array of baked items at my church, to indulge in my first “Fair Food” in twelve months.

First Menu Item: a Sausage, Onion and Pepper Sandwich, which I thoroughly enjoyed and I had “snitched” a bite of my daughter-in-laws Gyro with an unbelievably awesome Herb Dressing, while the grandkids enjoyed a custom mixed “Slushy”. My grandson stuck with only one flavor, Blueberry, while my innovative granddaughter choose a four-flavor combo of Strawberry, Lemon, Blueberry and Lime, out of the dozen plus flavors available. The purchase included discounted refills. But fairgoers be forewarned that you should ask vendors about discounts, refill policies and “fair deals” to get the most “bang for your buck”. We tried refilling our slushy drinks at an identical vendor in another part of the midway, and found that they did not honor the discounted refill of our original vendor, so we rerouted our trip and marked on our maps those vendors who, in our opinion, deserved our patronage. Next we had our traditional Funnel Cake with Powdered Sugar and Cinnamon, freshly made as we watched it being cooked, wonderfully flavored and served piping hot. I wore my satisfaction all day in the form of powdered sugar flecks on my clothes – also a tradition with eating at the fair, as well as the photo that my son’s wife snapped for her Facebook page. Again, be forewarned, that the “little munchkins” in the group, need to be patient while the food cools, so it’s a good time to take in a show or put them on a “kiddies’” ride, while you are waiting. And remember to leave some of the treat for them when they exit the ride.

We explored the world of animals in Old McDonald’s Farm, which is quite an experience, with an extensive array of animals everywhere, along with super-size thongs of parents, children, strollers and babies, both human and animal. The building is a wonderful place to learn about nature, as well as some educational facts about each type of animal. Each exhibit within this tent shows facts about that type of animal, along with the names of the varieties, plus some interesting trivia and fun facts. The tent is also the showcase for “Rainaway”, Secretariat’s Great-Grandson. He stands quietly watching the mass of people entering and leaving the tent, but don’t let his aloof demeanor fool you, he is alert and watching, but like most thoroughbreds, he prefers a quiet stall to large crowds and as a retired Race Horse, he has certainly earned his place among racehorses in his own right, with the distinction of being kin to a very famous athlete, as well. I am always fascinated by the numbers different breeds of each type of animal. There are separate competition tents, based on type of animal, such as the chicken tent, which contains at least sixty to hundred breed types, color combinations and of course, examples of each breed type by sex and age, as well as, one for the many breeds of pigeons, cattle, sheep, llamas, etc. To some of the backyard Chicken enthusiasts, there are always some for sale and provides the chance to get the best breeds, free advice, and hobby suggestions, all at a “fair price”.
We decided to get ride wristbands for the kids and parents, and I opted to watch our youngest grandchild, just four months old, as she delighted in experiencing a very active midway, with lots of noise, people, sights and sounds. I enjoyed the “pint-sized” rides, that included a Bulldozer Caravan, a High-Flying School Bus, Rough-Water Boating, Flying Fish, and Race Cars, sporting names like Home Depot and Lowe’s, among others. A Fun House with moving parts, was a disappointment, since most of the moving parts, were not working, making us especially glad that we had purchased the wristbands, rather than the five or more tickets that most rides required. Later, we shared a Foot-Long Hot Dog and a Blooming Onion, with Ranch Dressing Dipping Sauce. Before our departure, we felt compelled to try the Fried Kool-Aid, which tasted remarkably like Strawberry Cake surrounded by a crispy, sweet crust, sprinkled with Powdered Sugar, of course. There were many, many tempting treats at the Fair that we just didn’t have the time or the stomach capacity to try on this visit, but like Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another Day!” We have already started our list of “must try”, “curious about” and “bravery required” food items to explore next year, including the Frozen Hot Chocolate, Fried Cheesecake and other interesting temptations.

STATE FAIR OF VA 2011 – “All I Wanted to Do was Ride, Baby Ride”
While I had arrived early at the fair to meet my sons, their families and enjoy the day, one of my sons arrived just after me, while the other was several hours later, with the early family departing early in the afternoon, the rest of the family stayed into the night to enjoy the fair experience. My grandson’s birthday is also in September, so he had the choice of one ride, and along with his mother, father and sister, he enjoyed the Giant Ferris Wheel. I have to admit my brief desire to ride one of the two giant Ferris Wheels, but considering my dislike of heights, thought better of the idea and just enjoyed waving to my family with each rotation, but also reminding me of a quote by E. B. White – “I see nothing in space as promising as the view from a Ferris Wheel”.

While they enjoyed the thrill of seeing the fair at night from their lofty perch, I took their youngest child and played the “Duck Pond” Game, with a guaranteed prize, but soon discovered that while every child gets a prize, it may not be the one from your duck if you don’t pay more money. I opted for the two dollar – one duck – one prize since it was the cheapest way to actually win. I have often been told, “fortune follows the fickle” but in this case, my grandson scored a winner, and was able to proudly show his family the small beanie fish that he won with the number two on the bottom of his duck. We walked around the fair and looked at the many rides and some of the food treats and then left for the parking lot.

With the hour growing late, we decided not to opt for a wristband, considering that the next day was school for the grandchildren and a working day for their mother. The weather during the fair can be quite sporadic, with sunny, hot days, followed by cold wet nights. The open areas provide little shade and relief from rain, unless you are near some of the exhibit areas or main buildings.
The bathrooms are convenient, and clean, but also have very narrow walkways in front of the women bathroom stalls. The changing area is adequate, but located in an area with lots of people coming in and out of the door. The restrooms in the Farm Bureau building are much better but are usually more crowded.

STATE FAIR OF VA 2011 – “Second Time Around & Around We Go”
On my second visit to the fair, I enjoyed some of the cooking shows, competitions and exhibits. My friend, Sandra, accompanied me on Wednesday, and we arrived around nine-thirty and waited patiently for the gates to open. We started out in the Commonwealth Building, looking at the wide variety of Arts and Crafts, including the popular “Table Setting for Two” Competition. This popular Challenge, invites entrants to create a table setting, complete with menu, correct place settings and decorations that best represent the chosen theme, which, this year was “Corn, Peas, Beans & Barley”, for the Adult Division and “Your favorite Book, with you having dinner with the Main Character for the Youth Division. I enjoyed the variety of book choices in the youth division and was truly impressed with the settings, especially considering that each child received not help while setting up their display and the ages ranged from five years to twelve years old.
I was determined to go over and see some of the wonderful world of Equine Events, but ended up settling for the Mule Jumping and an Arnold Palmer Ice Tea, located on the path toward the stables, which was a delightful combination of homemade lemonade and tea, a bargain at four dollars for a large drink and the “perk” of two dollar refills, as well as a delightful display of some very well-trained and talented mules and riders. We also visited the Farm Bureau Building filled with vendors of every kind, tons of booths, some familiar, others unique or many new to this year’s fair. I particularly enjoyed the Sky Blue Ice Cream, with its creamy texture, generous portions and delicious flavors, as well as the puzzles with moving cars and animals, designed for with parents and children in mind. There were also vendors for health-conscious people, home improvement for weekend builders and a variety of service organizations, as well as the Virginia Lottery, with the chance to get a picture and autograph with “Lady Luck”.

Later we watched the “Flying Dogs”, a show featuring “Frisbee” catching dogs, who braved a sixty-foot plus jump into a large body of water, just to retrieve the coveted disk and return it safely to their owners, who delighted at showing their talented dogs antics and jumping ability. Afterwards, we headed off to see some of the animals, crops, milk and possibly the always popular Soy Donuts. The Aqua Displays, Student Gardens, Pumpkins Carving and the ever-popular Corn Bin for Kids, was a place to watch, relax and enjoy the happenings. With the hour growing late, and the desire to avoid the evening crowds and traffic, we headed out to the parking lot and I planned for one more visit with my family on Sunday, which would be my last opportunity to enjoy the yearly pilgrimage until 2012.
Sunday arrived, and my middle son, his wife, and the three grandchildren, returned to the fair. We purchased wrist bands so the kids could enjoy as many rides as possible. We also indulged in more food, this time opting for the Chinese Menu for the ride home. Along the way, the visited the Farm Bureau, to get a serving of Sky Blue Ice Cream and checked out some of the other vendors, and of course, a “pit stop” at the bathrooms.

As the kids headed off for the rides, we made stops at some of our favorite Kiddies Rides, and some of the more adventuresome ones as well. I couldn’t believe that our two year old and four year old just loved being on the “The Scrambler”, which is like riding an egg beater in motion or watching our four year old and her dad on a ride that spun faster than I could imagine going. The rides at the fair are impressive and certainly seem to be well attended and managed. From the “Wild Mouse” to the “Drop Zone”, kids and parents were laughing and having a good time. The area is also well maintained with benches and kids sitting areas throughout, but shade (or rain) shelter is not available, so be sure to wear a hat and sunscreen. The midway lanes are wide enough for the crowds and there’s plenty of room for baby buggies and people to share with ease. The avenue is also well designed with newly planted trees that will someday become wonderful sources of shade and beauty.
During this visit, we explored Heritage Village and explored the area of “Farming in the Past”, with live oxen pulling a wagon, old tractors, demonstrations, environmental activities, freebees and exhibits, the area is a definite “must stop” for parents, children, and older individuals to enjoy and learn. We briefly stopped to watch the Wood Carving Demo, an American Eagle in Flight, made with a chain saw, standing over twenty feet tall. In a display of such carvings, stood a beautiful, detailed and life-size Great Horned Owl, perched in a tree. The Environmental Building next to the Demonstration Area, held live native Virginia Animals and Plants, as well as, numerous Educational Activities and Interactive Displays for Adults and Children. For those who love rocks, the back area, had large, labeled tree samples and rocks to explore, as well as “burn off a little excess energy” in and inviting pastoral setting.

I enjoyed watching my son, my five year old granddaughter and two year old grandson, making their way through the glass house was the highlight of his wife and my visit, since he maneuvered easily through the glass house, his children were a handful in this situation. With the grandson in front and the granddaughter following, he confidently went through, then realized that keeping them together was impossible. Our granddaughter, bumped her way along, until finally finding the right path to reach her dad, while his wife and I laughed until we cried at the two of them. My granddaughter was totally unconcerned about the bumping but became more intent in her pursuit of reaching her Dad, as she made one wrong turn after another until finally finding the right path to reach him, also laughing all the way. Our totally fearless grandson came out first and bravely slide down the exit slide but forgot to keep his legs straight and tumbled the last two feet to the ground below, biting his lip in the process. After a few moments of “Ouch”, he quickly turned his attention to the rides and promptly forgot about his injury.

My youngest granddaughter just loved the sights and sounds of the fair experience. Her eyes were alert to everything and except for the loud noise, which disturbed her sleeping, she embraced every aspect of the fair experience. But her real delight came after dark, as the Midway Light Shows started. She squealed with delight at the pulsating light show and the blinking displays on everything from rides to vendors. Her hands were busily waving and her legs never stopped moving as we strolled through the midway.
The long hours of standing and as the crowds were still coming in as we left around 9 p.m. and we bid the fair “farewell” until next year. Truly for us, this is a family tradition that I hope I will be able to enjoy for many years to come. I hope that my readers will agree and give this once a year venue, a “fair chance”. You may be surprised and hopefully as delighted with the experience as I am.

State Fair of VA – “Same Time – Next Year”

As fate would have it, I was born right in the middle of the animal judging event schedule at the State Fair of VA in 1953. My mother went to the hospital on Friday and of course, my father and grandmother stayed at the hospital until my birth on Sunday at noon. My father and uncle had several cows, goats and chickens in the competition on Saturday and my father was the only one that “handled” the livestock during the actual judging, but my Uncle stepped in at the last minute and although somewhat nervous handled the job without incident, as well as scoring several awards in the process. According to my grandmother, Daddy, who had stayed at the hospital every minute, came into Momma’s room on Sunday after my birth, made sure she was doing alright, gave her a big kiss, held me and then went to the State Fair to see if any of our livestock had placed in the judging from the day before. Upon returning from the fair, his gift to me was not an oversized stuffed teddy bear from one of the many “hawkers” along the midway, but a saddle for the pony that he would buy me on my second birthday. A petite handmade leather saddle, the smallest one ever made by the B.T. Crump Co. of Richmond, VA, was perhaps an unusual gift, but one that was given with a great deal of love, instinctively knowing that the time spent together with our equine companions would bring many hours of joy as we rode and trained our horses and ponies.

This story of my youth, reminds me of a comment made by comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, “If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair, and look around because after five minutes at the fair, you will be going, “you know – we’re alright – we’re dang near royalty”.

My first experiences at the State Fair of VA are stories about the event that my parents told me in later years, but I did “go” each year and for most of my life, my father and mother gave me tickets for me and my family as a birthday gift. Henrico County, used to give each student a free ticket and was home to the State Fair of VA, until the property was sold to the Richmond Raceway and the fair moved to its current location. I was raised on a small farm in western Henrico County, near Short Pump Elementary School, on Nuckols Road. The area has significantly changed from the late 1950’s, and today is almost unrecognizable from it rural beginnings. Starting with chickens, I worked my way up the “animal exhibiting” ladder, showing pigs, cows and finally horses. I enjoyed the competitions at the State Fair of Virginia, my 4-H Club, and the Western Riders of VA Horse Shows, learning that it is not always necessary to win, but always to do your best. I have a box of ribbons, trophies and memories that I treasure, and always remind me of my past, my accomplishments, my friends, family, mentors and my wonderful, loving animals, as well as our horses, without whose dedication to me, allowed me to enjoy what we accomplished together.

Each year, I visit the fair, and I remember the days of long ago, but I also embrace the new, the improved, the traditions and the innovations. The fair is a place of bonding, discovery, fellowship, competition, revelation and it’s just pure fun. Whether you indulge in rides, food or just watch, the fair has something for everyone and everyone gets something back. So go, enjoy, discover and look forward to returning each year. Make it a tradition and shared memory. Its only ten days each year, so take the time and indulge yourself in tradition and exploration.

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Proud Virginian – A Little Background Information

Posted on March 7, 2012 by Gwendolyn

I was born in 1953 in Virginia, the only child of parents, John “Owen” Golden Hughes Maiden and Jacquelin Lee Oldfield Maiden, both of Virginia. My father was born in Elkton, Virginia – a small town located in the western part of the state, along the “foothills” of the Shenandoah Mountains. My mother was born in Phoebus, Virginia – a small town located in Hampton Roads, near the Chesapeake Bay in the eastern part of the state. They met in Richmond, Virginia – our state capital in the late 1940’s, shortly after World War II and my father, smitten with my mother, asked her cousin for a date, which took him almost a year to finally achieve.
Fortunately for me, they did have that first date and two years later, were married in Fredericksburg in a small civil ceremony. I was born six years later, in Short Pump, Virginia, which has evolved from a small spot of farmland, just west of Richmond to a thriving metropolis, filled with stores, restaurants, shops, along with a maze of roadways and tons of traffic.
Still standing, but renovated numerous times, is the school that I attended from the First Grade, under the tutelage of Mrs. Johnson, who would later become the school principal. I attended the school through the Sixth Grade, which was as high as you could go in Elementary School at the time, and then attended John Randolph Tucker High School, graduating in 1972. I continued my education at Virginia Commonwealth University for a very short time and earned the accomplishment of having “some college” but no degree.
As you can see from some of my stories, I was a 4-H (Virginia Tech sponsored clubs, consisting of over 250 project areas and competitions). I also belonged to the Future Farmers of America, and was known as a “farm girl” from the age of two years, starting my reputation by raising “Game” chickens, provided for me by our Ferrier and Blacksmith, Mr. Bass. My father, having helped my Grandfather on their farm, in the foothills of the Shenandoah Valley, and later in the Glen Allen and Short Pump area, taught me to love the land and nature.
I truly loved all types of farm life, mainly the animals, and especially the horses. Our stable consisted of several thoroughbreds, Tennessee Walking Horses and my Shetland Pony, “Frisky”, along with the typical and sometimes, not so typical assortment of livestock, including hoofed, horned and feathered varieties. At the age of three, I started learning about the care and raising of animals, when my father handed me a bucket of corn and carefully instructed me on the “art of feeding the feathered livestock”, our chickens. I did enjoy feeding the hens and although somewhat intimidated by the “Rooster”. I always looked forward to the Springtime, when the new “chicks” arrived and I also learned very quickly not to underestimate the protective nature of the hens, since they could be every bit as intimidating as the Rooster when provoked.
Successfully raising all manner of ducks, geese, turkeys, guineas, pea “cocks” and pea hens required discipline and I was always mindful that animals were basically gentle by nature, although extremely unpredictable, as well. Over the years, our menagerie included a variety of domestic and exotic species, including, an enormous Emus, and the smaller varieties, down to the tiny exotic Finches that enjoyed their life, both in a large cage and in “Free Flight” in our “country kitchen”. We also had both domestic and wild quail, as well as, ducks that were released into the wild when grown. Our assortment of turkeys and domestic peafowl, provided not only beauty but a practical use since they I loved all manner of insects, like ticks. I enjoyed learning about our animals and the experience of caring for them served to teach me well the lessons of life, and our relationship with nature, humans and the all important lessons of our concerns and caring for others.
My favorite time of year has always been Autumn season, with “the Fall” leaves and the vibrant colors of the season that always warms my heart and prepares me for the colder Winter yet to come. Autumn is the time of Harvest, The State Fair of Virginia and the Annual Tobacco Festival Parade. While Virginia’s colors may not be as vibrant as some of the states further North, she makes up for her less impressive colors, by combining her colors with an impressive abundance of animals, along her beautiful highways, that meander along through the Shenandoah Mountains. This abundance of native wildlife, deer, turkeys and even bears, is easily spotted and often in large numbers, especially at Big Meadow, an open area with beautiful vistas and photography opportunities. With hiking trails and horseback riding trails in abundance, both the open and wooded areas are very accessible, boosting some incredible views, serious rock scrambles and wonderfully enchanting waterfalls and brooks, some of which are very secluded, if you are willing to make the “trek” to see them.
While the Tobacco Festival Parade is now longer in Richmond, our capital city, the area offers a truly spectacular Christmas Parade down Broad Street, which is the main road that leads from Downtown Richmond westward. The parade, which for many years, was sponsored by Ukrop’s, a local grocery chain; it is now sponsored in part by the National Grocery Store Company that purchased the local chain. The parade hosted two very famous celebrities, Sergeant Santa and the Legendary Miller & Rhodes Store Santa, who alternated years, serving as the Grand Marshall of the parade. Local Businesses, Organizations, School Bands, and other groups provided floats and parade units that frequently exceeded the hundred parade unit maximum. Pedestrians from Richmond and the surrounding counties, lined the streets, at least three or four deep, hours before the parade start, just to watch the parade, which lasted several hours and had a varying range of weather conditions, from cold to hot, dry to wet, and which is generally the typical “norm” for Virginia. In other words, “If you don’t like the weather in Virginia, just wait a minute and it will change to something else, hopefully to your liking”.
Broad Street Road continues West through Henrico County, which is fairly hard to miss, since the beauty of the median strip, lined with trees and statues, stops and the bland, plain lane breaks start, beckons the traveler to venture onward toward the mountains of Virginia. The journey continues past Charlottesville and the traveler has their first “glimpse” of the “blue” ridge of the Virginia Mountains. Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, is just ahead as well as, the homes of John Madison and many other historical notables. The mountains of Virginia, while not as majestic or impressive as those in the western part of America offer the traveler, gently rolling ridges, subtle beauty, muted colors and quiet hillsides and meandering roadways. The traveler is able to explore the curving roads, rock “scrambles” and gentle, cool brooks filled with rainbow trout and delicious catfish. Quaint bridges, one or more covered, reflect Virginia’s past and the road traverses through the Valley, to some impressive local folk festivals, filled with local crafts, photography and unique food products, as well as an abundance of locally grown seasonal crops. The mountains, with the motion of a gentle swaying rollercoaster, beckons visitors to explore the numerous caverns and underground wonder in their own right, found throughout the state, as well as our neighbor states of North Carolina and West Virginia.
Each fall, when I was younger, my father organized a Horseback Ride in the Madison County area, at Grave’s Mountain, which at the time, was only known to a few people, outside of the “locals”. The family owns an Apple Orchard, Processing Plant, Quaint Cabins (used for Pickers & Seasonal Guests) and an impressive Grave’s Mountain Lodge, filled with local crafts, friendly natives, local celebrities, musicians and excellent cuisine, all year long, especially during the Fall Harvest, which boasted the best of the crop… Applesauce, Apple Butter, local grown produce, especially their “specialty” apples, such as the “winesap” apple, cider and other crops.
Our yearly horseback riding was a delightful combination of scenery, meandering trails, local hospitality and just plain fun, for all, from the youngest to the oldest visitors. Our trip was always set for the first part of October, arriving on Friday and followed by dinner at the Grave’s Homestead Home, which was just “down the road, a piece”, where we were served a delicious meal, filled with everything imaginable, in great abundance. As we sat around the table, it felt like a scene from “The Waltons” and everyone enjoyed their “down home” attitude, “table talk”, local happenings and their hospitality and generosity.
Bright and early, on Saturday morning (I’m talking 4 a.m.), we would walk about ½ a mile down the road to the Grave’s Horse Stables, to catch, groom, saddle and ride, in that order, up through the orchards, along the meandering Fire Trails, and on to Big Meadows, which was our “stop” for Lunch destination. The trails along the mountains, especially the Fire Trails, are both fun and frustrating, because of the pattern necessary to traverse the mountains. You see, you start at the bottom of the mountain and you travel upwards by constantly crossing “back and forth” along the side of the mountain. It is a very interesting, and somewhat disconcerting sight to see your fellow horseback riders, several “road” layers below you, as they go first to “left” and then to the “right” as they ascend. The road is very comfortable for both the walkers, horses and riders. There were many “rest stops” and on occasion, I saw some local wildlife, deer, turkey, and other native birds. I loved the fall foliage, and especially the beautiful flowers, as well. On one such “rest stop”, I removed my beverage from my saddle bags, and decided to “park” on the large pile of rocks along the trail, instead of the pile that could be reached by walking across the stones in the brook. Unfortunately, my chosen seat was also the resting place for one of the local residents, namely a Rattlesnake, which fortunately for me, was quite advanced in years. After unconsciously offering “Mr. Rattle” my drink for over thirty minutes, my uncle came by to “check on me” and very calmly asked that I rise slowly and come over to where he was standing. I did as he asked and he showed me my “sleeping companion”, whose “rattle” was quite big, with the upper rattles missing, indicating his advanced age. After that incident, I decided to “use the better part of common sense prevail” and I joined the others in the brook, for which my Uncle reminded me that “may or may not” contain water snakes, as well as water that would freeze your drink in minutes.
Today, I sometimes, visit Grave’s Mountain Lodge, for dinner or lunch, but be forewarned that “reservations” are highly recommended, because this now popular destination, is no longer the “secret or not widely known” destination of the past. In addition, they offer Festivities year long, as well as some of the best in Music, Wine, and Local Harvest events.
REFERENCES:
www.gravesmountain.com
www.richmondparade.com
www.Virginia.org

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“To Blog” or “Not to Blog” – Was there really any question?

Posted on March 7, 2012 by Gwendolyn

I have always enjoyed sharing my experiences with others. Hopefully, while passing along the wisdom and knowledge that I gained from my “trials and errors”, I have helped others to avoid the pitfalls and surprises, both pleasant and unpleasant that I have endured. It is with great pride that I have (with the help of my son and wonderful daughter-in-law) a website that allows me to express myself, share some tales of the past, a little history, some interesting facts and of course, my favorite stories about Virginia, as well as, some humorous stories from my childhood and early family experiences. I also have some “tales” from the past that my family passed along to me, gathered at our many family outings and gatherings.

Let’s face it; Life has a way of throwing us “curves” along the way. Sometimes the surprises and “ups and downs” of events and people can be pleasurable, funny and while the other events or happenings may be unpleasant in some way, can they be avoided with a little advance warning or better planning? I hope that my readers will benefit from my experiences, so as to avoid some of my mistakes and I also hope that my readers will enjoy the more humorous events that have not only served to enlighten me but have provided some inspiration to me in my life’s journey. For those of you that may consider sharing their experiences and the general “ups and downs” of life, I hope to hear from you, as you share your life’s adventures with me. If little else, hopefully my blog may give you some insight into the past, and provide you with a glimpse or a “snapshot” of life, way back when.
Virginia is a beautiful state, full of history, full of opportunity and constantly changing. It reflects not only the past but embraces the future, as well. The many changes, just during my life, have been astonishingly impressive, and though sometimes humorous, sometimes sad, they are always interesting, entertaining and may just give you some of the insight that it have given to me. I hope you will enjoy these “blogs” and will visit my website often. Since I value the opinion of my readers, please feel free to offer your opinions, comments and thoughts. And even though I may not always agree with everyone, I am open to the opinions of others, and will seriously consider utilizing the suggestions of my readers, their memories and suggestions, …so grab that tall drink, pull up a semi-comfortable seat, and sit a while. I look forward to your visit and hope you will return often.

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Moving on in Life, Love & Finding a Way to Embrace the Future

Posted on February 28, 2012 by Gwendolyn

There are few things in life as difficult as losing a life mate, but life does, in fact, go on, & after “the end” comes, we must embrace Life as fully in the days ahead, or so everyone tells you. And so, after my loss, life for me came to a “halt”, without direction, without a course, but my sorrow turned outward & I turned to my faith for comfort. And in that faith, I found that life does indeed go on.

My favorite quotes come from Eleanor Roosevelt. Her insight & courage have served me well in the past & so I turned to her for courage & inspiration during this dark time in my life. The following quote was my “light in the darkness” & I found comfort & inspiration:

Eleanor Roosevelt: “You gain strength, courage & confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself – If I have lived through this horror, then I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing that you think you cannot do”. And the bottom line in the journey of life is this – That we do not understand, JOY – until we face sorrow, FAITH – until it is tested, PEACE – until faced with conflict, TRUST – until we are betrayed, LOVE – until it is lost, or HOPE – until we are confronted with doubts.

I lived everyday that I could with my husband, as he battled cancer, but in the end, I had to let go. Then faced with the end, I had to move on with my life, and rebuild it into something worthwhile for myself & my family. After much contemplation, I started my journey first by going to visit my church. That decision to attend the services on that first Sunday was awkward since it had been over a year since I had actually been in “my” church. I had used the hospital chapel & visited with friends at their churches, but had been avoiding my “own” church, for whatever reason. Although, my church family never abandoned me & there constant visitation with my husband & myself, I still refused to attend services. In my scattered thoughts, I vaguely remembered a promise that I had made to my “Spiritual Shepherd” promising her that I would attend her Sunday School Class just one time. So reluctantly, I decided to honor my word & start with that plan. While I believed that this was my decision, I soon found that I was being guided by “that unseen hand” & I found unexpectedly, that my life would begin again as I entered my the classroom that morning.

Being somewhat unfamiliar with the time that the Sunday School classes actually began, I arrived at my church a bit earlier than was necessary & to my surprise as I entered the classroom, I met the one person who would, in the course of time, change my life & give me a reason to once again embrace living & enjoying being alive. He sat silently at the far side of the table & looked up at me as I entered the room. His eyes immediately drew my attention & I felt all sense of apprehension leave my body as he gently “smiled” at me. I walked to the opposite side of the table & sat down. The conversation between us came quite naturally & I found that we talked with ease about a variety of subjects. Soon, the rest of the class entered the room & I was “introduced… as a recent widow”. In that moment, I was felt “untouchable”. I felt the atmosphere in the room “chill” somewhat, but as the weeks followed, I continued to I look forward to Sunday School, because of “the gentleman across the table”, who always “smiled” at me as he entered the room. I found my class & classmates to be just the “tonic” that my mind & soul needed. The study book, which seemed to peer into my thoughts & insecurities, restored my faith & helped to ease my pain. It gave me inspiration & to insight into what my future could & should be. It allowed me to “let go” & “move on”. I continued to go to class, with the intention of learning but always secretly anticipating the sight of the “smile” from my “gentleman” classmate. Although quiet, he always “smiled” & we always exchanged brief pleasantries. There were times when he was absent and I felt somewhat disappointed & “let down”, but with each Sunday, my driving force was not only the comfort of church, my studies but also the exhilaration of talking with “my smiling gentleman”, as my girlfriend called him. And despite my many conversations on the subject with her, I was totally unable to remember any of his features, except his “smile”, which frustrated my girlfriend to no end.

Christmas was fast approaching & it was on that occasion that this gentleman called me & after several hours of conversation, we decided to meet for Christmas Eve. We enjoyed first dinner, then a tacky light tour of the city, & ended with the Midnight Service at Church. All of this was because of his “smile” as I entered the Sunday School classroom that fateful morning. The gesture was simply the act of a friendly greeting that became my inspiration to continue going to class. His phone call at Christmas to comfort a lonely friend became a friendship that inspired me to once again embrace life. His continued presence & our time together has became more than either of us had imagined, and we embrace the future, as our relationship continues to grow & evolve.

Both of us had experienced a “loss” in our lives & all that the term implies, but through our faith & with a simple “smile” at an opportune moment, we each reached out of ourselves, to once again embrace “life” & “love”. There are many today, who don’t believe in “faith”, and who also are finding that life overwhelms them at every turn. They don’t have the faith that leads to “believing”, which in turn, frees the soul to embrace life. Life is always going to be full of challenges, choices & general chaos. Without faith – a belief in something, you will fall for anything & that leads to sorrow. I find that my faith comes easier when in the company of good friends, & that my friends come in many forms. I have found friends in the many organizations that I enjoy, like church, the Eastern Star & the 4-H. But wherever life takes you, remember that it just takes the willingness to “smile” at a stranger that really makes all the difference. And it takes a person’s own willingness to offer that “smile” that makes others want to “pass it on”, which in turn, continues to complete the circle.

As Spring approaches & the world becomes a warmer place, a beautiful rejuvenation of nature also takes place, so take the time to visit a church, visit a friend, or just sit in a park & “smile” at a stranger. Make the most of your days, & create a new vision of the future. Remember that you are NEVER alone & all you need to do is to reach out of yourself. Life goes on & so must we.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – E.M. Forster

To my readers: Embrace & Enjoy Everything that God Gives to You & Yours

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The History & Art of Kissing

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Gwendolyn

Friends, Family and Strangers often commented and “teased” my husband and I about our kissing habit, primarily because it was so spontaneous and so often.  Not always the long, passionate kisses that make Soap Opera Stars so popular or cause a Movie Audience to blush, but just little tokens of love, given at opportune moments, quick, sincere and spontaneous, always reaffirming our life, love and passion for each other, as well as saying, “You are with me always and I love you unconditionally”.

A Recent Study of Kissing, aired on CBS National News on August 12, 2011, took me by surprise with the comments and statistics about kissing habits of couples in today’s world.  The study focused on couples and their kissing habits, which I must say, had for me, some disturbing conclusions.  I was even more surprised by the comments of the CBS staff as they discussed their perceptions involving kissing in their personal relationships.

I must admit, though, that my own children’s comments about my husband and I kissing “all of the time”, coupled their ignorance of the reason why we were so affectionate, caused them to question why we enjoyed this ritual.  To clarify this just a bit, our “kisses” in public, ranged from quick “pecks” to the occasional “lingering kiss” but certainly not anything that would need to have a movie rating attached to it.  We never really explained to our kids, and indeed never really considered doing so, was because we just felt it to be a personal part of our lives and one that our children may not wish to know more about.   But on reflection, I realize that I was keeping an important lesson from them that may serve them well in their own relationships with their spouses.

To give just a little bit of background Info on our relationship with each other, it is important to note that we had both been previously married.   When we found each other, there was an instant attraction that we retained until the day that my husband died.  Rick and I kissed didn’t kiss all the time, but often we were teased about this habit, by family and friends, especially our Bowling Team, and at the end of the season, we were presented with a bag of Hershey “kisses” and some rubber lips (in case ours wore out).  None the less, we continued our ritual, oblivious of their comments and sour looks, for he and I knew that with each kiss, we renewed our affection for each other and made a secret promise to always love each other as much as the day we kissed at our wedding and the minister pronounced us husband and wife, on Valentine’s Day  – the all-time day set aside for kissing.  It may seem silly, but our “habit” kept us focused on why we were together and we never went to bed without a kiss, so therefore we also never went to be angry as well.

The actual History of “kissing” is quite interesting, starting around 1500 BC in India, with the foundations of the Hindu religion and was described as “drinking moisture of the lips”.  I guess that’s where the song, “Drink to me only with thine eyes and I will pledge with mine” came from.  Personally, I like using my lips more than eyes, but either can be quite revealing on occasion.   By the third century, the Kama Sutra, included an entire chapter lavishly describing the many ways of kissing a lover.  In Babylonian, a story on stone tablets in the seventh century BC, approximately twelve centuries before the birth of Christ, describes kisses used in greeting and supplication.  The Bible talks about “kissing” in many ways, such as Jacob kissing his father, Isaac, making him believe that he was his twin brother, Esau, thus stealing his father’s blessing along with the power to rule.  In Song of Solomon, the scripture describes a more sensual kiss, which reads, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is better than wine”.   I have heard people describe being drunken with someone’s kisses, and I must admit that my husband could certainly make me somewhat “loopy” when he kissed me.  Perhaps, I’m a romantic at heart, but I love all the Literature that is filled with kisses, and much of the information was passed down orally, such as in Homer’s epics.  For example, Odysseus is kissed by his slaves upon returning home and King Priam kisses Achilles’ hands to plead for the return of the body of his deceased son.  The Histories of Herodotus, records kissing among the Persians and Ethiopian kings who were kissed on the foot, while Numidian kings were considered too supreme to be kissed at all, because it was considered disrespectful.  Egyptians would not kiss Greeks on the mouth because Greeks consumed cow meat, which was considered a sacred animal.  The Romans enjoyed a vibrant kissing culture and introduced “the Kiss” to many other parts of the world because of their Military conquests.  Ah, the spoils of war!  Roman poets celebrated the kiss and reported that the populace were avid mouth-to-mouth practitioners.  Now we know where we got that from, don’t we?  Roman men were reported to have a “mouth fixation”, with very high standards for who was “worthy” to be kissed, as well as specific important laws on kissing and its significance as a social custom.   Talk about going to lengths on a very simple subject!  As Christianity grew, the Church became increasingly concerned about kissing.  St. Peter referred to the “kiss of charity”, and St. Paul wrote, “Salute one another with a Holy Kiss.  Fearing misinterpretation, the Priests became worried about carnal sin and reacted somewhat in the extreme by separating men and women in their congregations.  During the Middle Ages, kisses were a demonstration of social standing, such as a King’s subjects kissing his ring, slipper, hands or even the ground before him and the custom of kissing was considered a sign of trust between Feudal Lords and Vassals.  Knights kissed each other at jousting tournaments and would receive a kiss as a “thank you” for a year of service from the person they had protected all year long.  Since many people didn’t know how to write, a kiss was often used to seal contracts, along with drawing an “X” to make it legal. We use the “X” today to symbolize a kiss on cards and letters, along with the “O” which represents “hugs”.  In England and America, the “hand kiss” became very popular among the elate as an elegant gesture and later evolved into the “handshake” that is popularly used today. The globalization of the world integrated kissing across the planet, and soon became a popular way to greet returning adventurers, tradesmen and sailors.   Even Charles Darwin theorized that the popularity of kissing possesses an innate desire to connect with others in an intimate way, and was most certainly rooted and influenced by our evolution and various, unique social norms and customs.

Actually, the rewards of a good mini golf game started our tradition of just kissing at random with our first “official date”.  Since my husband and I were quite good at the game and we both liked playing Miniature Golf, we often played on the many courses around Richmond.  We used this activity as a nice evening of entertainment in each other’s company and when we were with our children, we found interesting and fun ways to incorporate family values and reading skills, especially on courses that “told a story”. When my husband and I played, we would each take turns, alternating with each “hole”, so that I would take the first “putt” at my ball at the beginning of a hole and then he would take a “putt” at his ball, thus keeping us together on the green so that we ended together when we putted our balls into the actual hole and recorded our scores.  On occasion, and sometimes I suspected on purpose, our balls  would tap each other.  Once after we had both putted and his ball touched mine, he suggested that he had earned a “kiss” since our balls had in essence “kissed” each other.  I laughed at his suggestion but gave him a “penalty kiss” and thus we started a very pleasant ritual.

One of our Marriage Rules was very simple.  It was a promise that we would never go to bed angry.  My husband and I always “kissed” goodnight with each other “goodnight” every night, even when disagreeing, with the promise that we would discuss the matter in the light of day.  Our nightly “kiss” showed that we loved each other even though we disagreed and argued on occasion.  So, when we didn’t agree, we knew we could always resume our “discussion” in the morning when cooler heads prevailed, even though we may on occasion go to sleep and put aside our anger until sunrise.

Our final kiss goodnight and goodbye came on the night before his death when I kissed him “Goodnight” as usual.   But that morning, he was put on life support and I was unable and unwilling to kiss him before he died, knowing that it would be our last kiss.  I did stay by his side, holding his hand, or rather his index and ring finger, as was my custom, and laid my head on the bed beside him, for it was the closest that I could to be to actually lying beside him in bed and then … I waited.  Trying hard to be brave, there came a point when I could no longer hold back the tears and I wept for my soul mate, as quietly as was possible, until he slipped away from me for the last time.

Our relationship was one of Love beyond my wildest imagination, and what we felt was the love that you experience with a true soul mate.  We were not alike in nature, and our tastes in almost everything was of an opposite viewpoint, the inner part of us made a connection and we had the joy of a life much like riding a teeter-totter, full of ups and downs, and different views, but working, living and loving in tandem, enjoying the fullest  measure of the ride.  The view and effort shared by partners that never seemed tiring or boring, is one that takes “effort” and a lot of “give and take” for each partner.  Indeed, there were many who found our life somewhat puzzling, since we worked and stayed together almost twenty-four hours each day, without drama, or frustration (at least the good majority of the time), but never tiring of each other and always finding something pleasurable to do together, whether it was touring Walt Disney World, driving to our next destination for work, watching our favorite television programs or just playing a lively game of cards.   Many times, we just “talked” about our lives, children, friends, dreams, trips, always remembering to “re-live” the moments, “laugh” at life’s events & “remembering” the good times & the bad times, with objectivity and accuracy, if possible.

And yes, we always “kissed goodnight” regardless who won or who lost, even though neither of us found losing palatable.   So what’s my point?  Simple, really.  What is wrong with giving someone a “kiss”?  Is it our social restrictions, health issues, personal space issues, or just because we figure, “why should we?”, “what’s in it for me?”, or “I’m afraid of encroaching on someone’s personal space?”.  Whatever the case, I think today’s society needs a wake-up call.  Kissing is great, and there are lots of types of kisses, and lots of reasons to “kiss”, so you won’t get bored.  And just to give you a few ideas, here’s some to get you started.  (1) There’s  The “Grandmother  loves you kiss”,  (2) the “happy to see you kiss”, or (3) the “let’s have an adult night” kiss, (4) the “I forgive you or (5) please forgive me” kiss, but whatever the reason, kissing is historically “OK!”, and is acceptable and can be used for all types of emotions, occasions, and believe me, it truly has its own rewards.    If you are worried about germs, then I can’t help with that but I’ll risk it for my husband, and family – perhaps even for a few close friends as well.  And remember, going to bed with a “kiss” makes it really hard to stay angry, if you do it right.  It’s the best way that I know to show someone that you can disagree without admitting defeat.  It’s an initial compromise and promise that you will talk it out in the morning and certainly NOT a sign of weakness or surrender.  Lots of things look really different in dark and light.  Oddly enough, so do disagreements, especially after that final goodnight kiss.  And the dark, becomes “en”-lightning at times as well.

So….“KISS” – Keep it Simple & Sincere

THE SEVEN SIGNS THAT HE WANTS TO KISS YOU

Kissing is the perfect way to end a date, but how do you know if he wants to kiss you? Guys aren’t always obvious about it, especially if they’re shy. Here’s how to know if that new guy you’re dating wants to lock lips.

1. He’s Getting Quiet: You can’t kiss if your mouths are busy talking. Notice him getting quieter? He might be working up the nerve to kiss you, creating lulls in conversation to set a sexier, relaxed vibe. Resist the urge to fill the silence with chit-chat the next time he gets quiet for a few seconds: just flash him a sexy smile instead.

 2. He’s Fidgeting: If he’s losing his cool, tripping over his words and his feet, you can safely assume that you’ve gotten under his skin! Watch his hands: if he’s fidgeting with his drink, playing with his watch, and pulling them in and out of his pockets, he’s on edge…in a good way.

3. He’s Doing Mouth Maintenance: He’s breaking out the Chapstick. He’s licking his lips. He’s sucking down Altoids. Guess what? He’s probably primping for a smooch. Take notice: is he popping a breath mint post-dinner? It might just be force of habit. But if he’s getting minty fresh while walking you home, or between drinks at the bar, he may be hoping to get closer. If he offers you a stick of gum or a breath mint, don’t be offended. He’s probably just testing the waters and (consciously or not) telling you that he wants to lay one on you.

4. He’s Getting Touchy-Feely: An arm on your shoulder, bumping knees, touching you on the small of your back as he walks behind you…if he can’t keep his hands off you, his lips aren’t far behind.

5. He Notices Your Lips: Don’t get annoyed if you catch him not looking at your eyes while you’re talking—as long as he’s watching your lips. If he seems mesmerized by your pout, he probably is. A sure sign he’s dying to lean in for a kiss? He compliments you on your lips.

6. He’s Bridging the Gap: Going in for the kiss is extra scary from five feet away. If he’s inching closer and closer to you throughout the night, he may be getting ready to go in for the kill and is testing the waters by amping up the sexual tension. Your body language in reaction is important here: if you want him to go for it, stand firm and don’t back away as he gets closer. Make it easier on the poor guy!

7. He Notices Your Perfume: Leaning in and telling you that you smell great? He’s not paying a compliment to Calvin Klein. In fact, he may be just guessing that you’re wearing perfume. Complimenting your fragrance gives him an excuse to get up close and personal, while testing your comfort level with the invasion of space and the intimate flattery.

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The ABC’s of Love & Marriage – Valentine’s Day 2012

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Gwendolyn

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The Power of Trust

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Gwendolyn

It seems that in today’s world, everything is all about “power”. It’s all around us and a familiar part of our everyday lives. We have “power” drinks, we take “power” walks and we read about how to have “power” over our habits, lives, minds and bodies. The pursuit of “power” in our business relationships makes us feel we are successful and the “power” of our car engines, household appliances, recreational boats and camping vehicles is a must if we are to live our lives to the fullest measure. We gain confidence and we are proud that we are so successful in our lives. So what happens when circumstances arise in which we are “Power Less”?  What happens when we must endure those circumstances that conspire and make us realize that we are NOT in full control? We find that we are, in every measure of the word, “Powerless”.  We experience that inability to act, as we endure the whims of life, the wills of others, the “fickle finger of fate”, and in general, the circumstances that make us realize that our “Power to Control” is anything but “Total Control”.

So what about those times in which we must “trust”? The times in which we have “No Control” and must rely on others to do the right thing? Are we willing to give up our “power” and simply “trust” the decisions and actions of those in control? And more importantly, are there REALLY times in which we are completely give over to that “Trusting” of others?

This point was brought to my attention quite vividly recently. As my husband, who struggled daily with Cancer, lay helpless in bed at the local Rehab Center near our home. As I prepared to leave him, thus turning over my control of his care to the staff, most of which had, by their actions, instilled little proof of their ability to care for him in a manner that I considered necessary, thoughts of their incompetence filled my mind.  To further confound my actions, I was leaving a little earlier than usual to do some necessary chores at our home & errands  of business needs, as well.  I was busily doing my usual preparation of his room and gathering those items that I knew he would need for the night, and although I assured him that he would be in good hands until I returned in the morning, I, myself, was so uneasy that I verbalized the statement.  Rick was somewhat upset with my early departure, stating that he didn’t “feel good” and his grumpy attitude on the matter was duly noted, even though I dismissed it as being simply his desire for my company.  As I turned to give Rick a “Goodnight Kiss”, I suddenly realized that Rick’s color was “ashen”, and his eyes “glazed” and rolling back, showing only the whites. His body was limp, except for the shaking and trembling of his hands. I rushed to his bedside and called his name, but he remained unresponsive. I then rushed to the hallway for the nurse, who had but moments earlier, checked him and then left the room to go to another patient. Hearing my plea for help, The Senior Nurse in the hallway quickly entered the room and tried without success to get a response from my husband. At this point, fearing that Rick was choking, the Head Nurse called to the The Assistant Nurse stood motionless, with a “blank expression” on her face to get the device that would keep his airway open.  Confused on how to proceed, she turned and began “fumbling” with the objects on the medicine cart.

As I watched from the “sidelines”, I felt “powerless” to control the situation and the reaction of the Assistant Nurse, being more than I could tolerate, forced me into action. I realized that I could no longer stand by and watch. I quickly took action to go to Rick’s side, and holding his hand, I started commanding him to look at me. For a brief moment, his eyes met mine and then he returned to his previous state. The fact that he was at least responding to my voice, even while having some type of seizure, was welcome. I told the Head Nurse to call for an ambulance and one of the other Nursing Aides quickly left to call for one. Within minutes, the Rescue Squad arrived and got Rick into the ambulance. I grabbed my purse and the prayer shawl that the members of our church, Corinth United Methodist, had given to him during his stay in the hospital, and quickly got into the ambulance for the journey to the hospital.  Jumping into the front seat of the van, I handed the shawl to the young man in the back and asked that he place it on Rick. The Driver assured me that Rick would be “OK” and I struggled to control my emotions as I answered his questions about Rick’s medical history. The fifteen minute ride to the hospital in Mechanicsville seemed like an eternity.  About half-way to our destination, the attendant in the back of the ambulance told me that Rick was “coming around & responding to him” and that he looked was better.  Things began to feel more in control, but I realized that I was still “powerless” to do little more than accept the situation and pray for his recovery, which is all anyone in my position can do in this type of situation. I called on God, as a child cries out into the dark. I was “powerless” and my only salvation was,  in truth, the confidence in those around me, those caring for my husband.  And instinctively, I did, in fact,  have trust, in these very efficient and caring “angels” of the Rescue Squad. Their professionalism was evident throughout the incident and I wondered why those at the Rehab center were so poorly prepared.  At the hospital, Rick’s condition improved & he was once more back to “square one”. The seizures were a sign that I was not prepared for since they were a foreshadowing of the end of my life with him.   It was also a fate that I was not quite ready to accept just yet, as well and in the weeks that followed, would be one of the hardest walks of faith, that I have ever experienced.

But is the point of this story is simply one of “Trust” or is it one of “Power? The fact that there are situations in which we are “Powerless” to interact, control or even predict the situation’s outcome is something we don’t want to believe or even contemplate.  Are there times that “Power” is so easily perceived, that we see it as an “elusive prize”, never realizing that power is something that can never be owned or controlled but is, in fact, something that will eventually take control of us?

Perhaps, my story is more accurately one of “Trust”, & not the pursuit of “Power” for I do, absolutely believe that these are the times in which we must “Trust”.  A trust, not so much in other people completely, but to “trust” that the people we must rely on are indeed, knowledgeable people and ones that are completely competent to handle any emergency that may arise. It should be foremost on our agenda, to make those who have such an important responsibility, such as the caring for others, be people who CAN & WILL live up to their responsibility and are people who have prepared for every situation in which they are tested. They should take seriously their charge to do “everything” in their power to perform their duties well and not just so that they can draw a paycheck at the end of a week. They should also be ABSOLUTELY held “accountable”, to their patients, the families of the patients, the institution, their own moral obligations, and their ultimate commitment to care and heal, as well as their commitment AND realization that they have accepted into a “higher” calling. They should take this “calling” seriously & to completely embrace their desire to help where, when and how it is needed.  Ministers, Doctors, and Healthcare Professionals are among those who are held to a higher standard, and we, as their patients, should respect that many of these individuals do, indeed, take their “charge” very seriously. These professions are tremendously challenging, but absolutely vital to our society and certainly not for the “faint of heart”, the “lazy” or the “uncaring”, for sooner or later, they will hold not only a person’s “health” in their power, but ultimately they may hold their “fate & life” in their hands, as well.

Don’t misunderstand me, I have met many “angels” in all of these professions, & I have met some who were anything BUT angels. The point that I am making is simply this … that it takes someone very special to understand and master the skills & challenges that may arise for these professionals.  More importantly, we must trust in our own beliefs while understanding that prayer is a very powerful tool if used correctly.

Our own freewill can make the difference in many situations, but also realize that God has a plan as well, unseen & often, misunderstood by his even his most faithful servants. I believed in most of the caregivers at the facility, but I also didn’t “trust” all of them. The circumstances of Rick’s condition and his level of care had forced me into the need to “trust” those who cared for him in my absence and that ultimately his life’s destiny would be decided by a “Higher” power and not by my own “Will” power. That didn’t mean that I couldn’t have an active part in how he was cared for, as well as, the power to call any concerns to the attention of those in charge, which I did with great frequency.  His death also meant giving over my “trust” to my family as well as, giving my trust to those professionals, like the funeral home, and the military, who handled much of his final journey to Arlington National Cemetery at a time when my own reason was compromised. It meant, most of all, trusting God, which for me, was my biggest challenge ever. I questioned his decision to take Rick “home” & I railed at the thought of being without “my greatest love”. I wanted to hold those who I felt had done “less than their best” when caring for him accountable & demand that they “justify” their actions.  But instead, I have decided to use my knowledge & my voice to help others understand, monitor & hold caregivers accountable for the care that they provide, by encouraging others to really listen to their hearts, keep up with legislation & use the power of their mind, voice & heart, to see that the elderly, the infirm & the weakest among us are properly care for & that they receive all of their needed care & assistance.  I ask that everyone listen for the opportunity to use your voice, to know the laws, and to monitor any situations that potentially place others in a compromising or vulnerable health related circumstance.

Most importantly, believe in the power of prayer & respect God’s will & divine decisions. This perhaps is my most challenging issue of “Trust”, for in all things His “power” is divine, wise & yet, unknown to us. My friend, Sandra, has what my mother would call, “The faith of a child”, not because she is childish but because she has the absolute “trust” that a child has for a parent. She believes that God has a “plan”, unseen & often misunderstood by his children, but a plan that reveals itself, hopefully with time, but ultimately, is a plan that MUST be. I will truthfully admit that I struggle with this concept, remembering how my parents often referred to me as “willful & determined”.  I’m sure that God feels as they did. I remember a song that I learned in Sunday School as a child, “I’m a Possibility” & I hope that I live up to my “Potentiality” as well.

For me, the song, “Something God Alone Can See”, says it best. It was a very inspirational & enlightening song that was sung at my son’s wedding some years ago. Here are those beautiful words:

In the bulb, there is a flower; In the seed an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: Butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter, There’s a Spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, Something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, Seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, Bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; What it holds a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, Something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; In our time, infinity.
In our doubt there is believing; In our life, eternity.
In our death, a resurrection; At the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, Something God alone can see.

For me, this song beautifully describes my relationship with God, who at times seems so large and distant, & at other times so very close and personal. I find God to be utterly confusing and unreal, but yet more familiar than the people I know best. His actions sometimes seem cruel and unrelenting, and at other times long-suffering and the epitome of compassion.

He is a God who fortunately surpasses all my human understanding & defies my logic. The song brings to mind Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, which states, “to everything there is a season” and it is somehow reassuring to believe that there is indeed a time for everything, and I take great comfort in knowing that even when I can’t see far enough to believe a path even exists, God is there, already at the end, seeing it’s distance and course in perfect clarity and he is there, gently guiding me, with my unsure steps through it to safely embrace me at the end of my journey.

The belief in Complete Truth, Unyielding Trust & Absolute Faith – such simple concepts & yet ones that are so difficult to embrace completely. I pray for understanding, like a child in the darkness, I seek the light of truth, the hand of trust & the embrace of faith & suddenly I feel the warmth of God’s hand in my life as he guides me forward.

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The Christmas Gift 2011

Posted on January 28, 2012 by Gwendolyn

My husband died August 8, 2011 but his Interment in Arlington National Cemetery didn’t take place until December 2, 2011 – only a few weeks before Christmas.  I was sure that I would “handle” the services in a manner that was both dignified and respectful, and since I had attended many such Arlington ceremonies in the past, with my husband, I looked forward to the day with a calm reserve and reflection.   His passing was very hard for me, especially since my husband did so many small & seemingly inconsequential things around the house, for the car, the animals, with the neighbors, friends & family that I had perhaps noticed but had never really placed a very high value upon them, until now.  In the days, following his illness, those small reminders of his efficiency in task & equipment management, became all too evident, and to my surprise, things that he did with such mastery, I found exceedingly difficult, a major challenge, many of which almost impossible to do & some that I just wanted to have them just “go away & never bother me again”, which unfortunately, was “not an option”.   Every day gave me a new reason to admire & really appreciate the man that I had married, and both to question & loath my life without him.

Just days before the Arlington Ceremony, I received a call from the Funeral Home informing me that since we were not using the Limo that I had requested and would be driving our own vehicles to the service, that my husband’s remains would need transportation with us as well.  I called my Best Friend & asked if that would be OK with them and of course, as usual they said, “Absolutely, whatever you need”.   The day before the service, however, I received a wonderful call from the Funeral Home, informing me that I had been called in error & that they would accompany my husband’s remains to Arlington National Cemetery, out of respect for the Military & its fallen heroes, which lifted a great weight from my shoulders.  And, indeed, they did just that, even offering to stay with me throughout the ceremony out of respect and as a curtsey to a veteran’s Widow.

The term, “Widow”, in that moment, reminded me, as nothing else had or could, that I was now “branded” a “Widow”.  It is both an honor & a privilege to be a “Widow”, but it is also a constant reminder, of my obligation to his memory, the love that we shared & the Loyalty, dedication & service that he so willingly gave to his country.  It is to me, a reminder of the pride that he felt for his 32 years of service, nine of which he served in the “Regulars” as he called it, which was the United States Air Force & the rest spent at the Virginia Air National Guard Base in Sandston, VA, & the friends that would become his life-long friends – loyal men who supported him in his illness & comforted “his widow” at his death.  His loyalty to them was evident in his many “stories” of travel, war, jobs, humorous happenings & the “guys” that he so respected, so admired.  In some cases, he pondered why fate had chosen to bring them together at all, but his love of the military, its mission, and purpose, was very close to his heart, and his loyalty never waned.  Except for a few years spent to receive his college education, various jobs & his years as a “Weekend Warrior”, my husband served his country, from the age of twenty-one.  He served with loyalty, dedication & admiration, even though he may have occasionally cast his “absentee vote” for the man who didn’t become his Commander & chief, he understood & supported the military.

I was very blessed that he was with me, fixing a computer “glitch” at the church, where I worked as a Secretary, on “9-11”.  That day, like “Pearl Harbor”, became a day that we will remember in our hearts & minds throughout our lives.  His calming & reassuring words as he left me that morning, made me realize that I too, needed the kind of courage and calmness that he easily displayed to those around him, so that I could serve others, as they dealt with their fears & the emotional feelings that overwhelmed them.

The Service at Arlington National Cemetery is an honored one, the traditions, procedures, and ceremonies, are “timeless & honored” events, that focus on the bravery, emotions, respect & feelings of the families & friends of these heroes, as they are lovingly & honorably placed among their fallen brothers & sisters.  Each step of the Interment Ceremony, whether they are in caskets, placed in the ground or urns placed in the wall vaults designed for the cremated ashes, respect for the military traditions, history, & the solemnity of the occasion is ever present.  My husband’s Urn was placed on the stone altar near the “wall” of vaults, and the service for him was performed by the Air Force Chaplain.  His flag was carried to the site & folded in the traditional military honor & precision, then presented to me by the Chaplain, & the Arlington Lady, in recognition of my husband’s honor & service to protect his country from all enemies, both foreign & domestic.  I watched with tears in my eyes, as the 6-man Honor Guard, with my husband’s Urn between us, delivered a volley of three rounds of shots – a reminder of his service to his country & the symbolic dedication of a soldier to stand between the enemy & his loved ones, offering his life & loyalty, even in death, to protect & defend his country & those that he loves.

After the service, I went through the grief process, yet again, all the while wondering how a heart could endure such pain, & emptiness, without completely breaking.  I used my husband’s examples of bravery, courage & determination to guide & inspire me to reach deep within myself to find that courage and sense of duty that he displayed with such apparent ease.    And, by the time that October approached to kick off the fall & winter “Holiday” Seasons, I felt that I was handling whatever was presented to me, rather well.    Halloween & Thanksgiving came & went, with Christmas coming much faster than I had anticipated.   Suddenly, Christmas Eve, was almost upon me & I found my spirits waning.   My shopping in stores became shopping on-line & while to the outside world, I gave every appearance of a person very much in charge of my life, inside my resolve to spend Christmas Eve & Christmas Day on my own, became more & more depressing & frightening.  Then something happened just days before Christmas Eve.  A phone call from a Sunday School Friend, made in the spirit of the season & out of concern for me, was not only a blessing, but one that I sorely needed, even though I did not believe that at the time.  My friend called & asked what plans I had for Christmas Eve & Christmas Day.  I responded, “None really.  I have to deliver a wedding cake on Christmas Day & I had thought about going to see some of the Christmas Lighted Houses on Christmas Eve & then attending the Midnight Church Service, but that I was still unsure of my plans.  As we talked in a conversational manner,  My friend replied that he felt it was unwise to spend this time alone, having experienced it  alone himself last year, he wanted to offer me his wisdom & company for the evening, as a friend & nothing more.

On Christmas Eve, he arrived at my house, took me to dinner, drove me around looking at the Christmas “Tacky Lighted” Houses & then to the Midnight Service.  We talked, I cried, he quietly listened & offered words of comfort & hope.  After church, he drove me home, walked me to the door, left his number for me to call if I needed “anything” or just to talk & then the next morning, came back & helped me deliver the cake & do the set-up.    We each went to see our respective families for Christmas Day.

What an unexpected, generous & wonderfully special Christmas Gift, given because my friend had experienced the loss of someone special just before Christmas last year & having spent the night before & the day of Christmas alone & depressed, wanted to help someone who may need “a friend” this year.  He wanted to help someone who needed a gentle guiding hand during this very emotional time of year to help them in their sorrow, knowing how they felt under similar circumstances.  My friend said that he decided then, that if it was within his power, he would give the gift of his presence to make sure that no one else would have to experience the loneliness and sadness that he had endured on that Christmas Eve & Day.  And he did just that – kept me busy, listened to my stories of Christmas past with my husband, and endued my tears & sobs- all without judging, just offering me words of comfort and spiritual guidance – and of course, lots of Kleenex.  After we delivered the cake on Christmas Day, we each went to visit our respective families for the holiday festivities and he gave a call later that evening, just to make sure that I was safely home & to see if I needed anything.

His was the Gift of Himself, with no expectation or thoughts of reward.  It was a gift that I will long remember & cherish, even though it has no real intrinsic value, it is worth far more than the riches of Avarice, for it came from the heart of a fellow human & out of the concern for another person, who may be feeling & experiencing difficult times as he had experienced them.  Someone who may be in need of comforting thoughts & kind words during the holiday season, which is traditionally not only a time of great joy, but also one of great sorrow & despair, as well.

And To my personal Holiday Guardian – Thank you.  You will forever be in my thoughts with every Christmas that I experience from this point forward.  May your life be filled with the joy, comfort & kindness that you so freely give to those around you.  I wish you well in the future & I know that you have the courage & conviction necessary for a happy & successful life, a goal that so many of us are still struggling to achieve.

And so from me, I have just one wish to offer to my readers.

To you & To Yours, I wish you A Very Merry Christmas & a Most Joyful New Year both now & for the many years yet to come.  Let the true spirit of the Christmas & the Holiday Season serve as both an inspiration & dedication of giving to others that which you would like to receive.

A TOAST FOR THE NEW YEAR

Here’s a Toast to the Future – A Toast to the Past & A Toast to Our Friends Far & Near. 

May the Future be Pleasant – The Past a Bright Dream – May our Friends remain Faithful & Dear

Cheers to You & Cheers to Me – Bless all of us this New Year’s Eve.

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